Part 4: The Art of Grief at Work: A Public Library of Wisdom and Healing
“Singing is the Voice of the Soul”
Playa de Los Muertos, Sayulita, Mexico: April 2021
Photo by Spencer Ian Harris
I was studying grief well before my first real and most painful loss — the tragic passing of my beloved father Tito Pamplona Andrada at the beginning of November 2020. It was as if my soma had the clairvoyance to anticipate the life-altering trauma I was about to endure.
Over the past five years, I’ve been collecting resources — books, poems, podcasts, articles, etc. — to support myself and my community in their journeys of grief and healing.
As a DEI Strategic Consultant, I’m mindful that the majority of grief resources shared below come from White American straight cisgender voices; there’s a need for more diverse bodies in the mental health canon. This is an imperfect living collection of resources; I’ll be adding more sources of healing and inspiration as I find them.
Medicine of Books
It’s Okay You’re Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in A Culture That Doesn’t Understand
A beautiful book written by Megan Devine, a therapist who experienced the tragic sudden loss of her partner, incredibly helpful for sitting with the earliest stages of grief. It became my daily bible amidst my grief sabbatical in Sayulita, Mexico.
The author Megan Devine also has a 30-day course on Writing Your Grief.
Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief
I began each morning for over a year reading a reflection by author Martha Whitmore Hickman after my LovingKindness meditation at the Marcom Rose Garden in Oakland.
I serendipitously found this book on the street by Lake Merritt. I almost put it back on the street months later as no one I knew and loved had passed but something in me knew that I would need it one day.
Flowers are my prayer language
Marcom Rose Garden, Oakland, California: November 2022
Photo by Spencer Ian Harris
The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief
A poetic reflection written by soul-centered therapist Francis Weller on navigating the waves of sorrow and grief through ritual and acceptance.
Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief
An intense and powerful collection of stories on grief written by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, grief educator, Zen priest and clinical psychologist whose poetic prose is largely rooted in the loss of her young daughter alongside the losses of her clients. I felt so seen reading this book yet the stories are heavy and heart-wrenching so I recommend nourishing titration between the 52 chapters.
On Grief & Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief through the Five Stages of Loss
A beautiful tapestry of theory told through heartbreaking stories, written by the late Dr. Elisabeth Kubbler-Ross and David Kessler.
Kessler has a more recent book on Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.
Eloquent raw reflection on grief written months after the passing of her father by the Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. The line that stood out to me the most,
“Grief is a cruel kind of education. You learn how ungentle mourning can be, how full of anger. You learn how glib condolences can feel. You learn how much grief is about language, the failure of language and the grasping of language.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
“I will not try to hide or walk around it. I will walk through the center of my sorrow and I will emerge — proud and strong.” - Healing After Loss
Sayulita, Mexico: April 2021
Photo by Spencer Ian Harris
Medicine of Poetry
By Maya Angelou
This poem became my mantra amidst my father’s tragic passing. There was an inexplicable intimacy to Maya Angelou’s words, as if my father was speaking directly to me through her poetry.
I discovered this poem through a zine on grief, gifted by a friend who wrote on a sticky note, “Sometimes the words of others can be comforting in difficult times.”
I first read When Great Trees Fall in community during the funeral as they were about to lower my father’s coffin into the ground of the unceded land of the Coast Salish people, situated next to a bed of handsome evergreens.
This poem even inspired a yoga asana for grief: the tree pose (vrksasana) in honor of my father’s memory.
“And when great souls die,
after a period peace blooms,
slowly and always
Irregularly.”
— Maya Angelou
Medocino, California: July 2022
Photo by Soulflow Yoga Retreat Participant
By Mark Nepo
A gorgeous poem by philosopher and poet Mark Nepo on the dualities of wonder and grief.
“Everything is beautiful and I am so sad.
This is how the heart makes a duet out of wonder and grief”
— Mark Nepo
By Jalaluddin Rumi
Rumi speaks an ancient prayer language. A gentle reminder to welcome all the unwanted emotions that come with the inevitable gift of grief. When people ask “How are you?” I often don’t know how to authentically respond, but often I will say, “Life has been like Rumi’s Guest House, welcoming all the emotions that arrive at your door.” After the tragic death of my father, my house had to get bigger to hold space for the vastness of joy and sorrow.
“This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!”
— Jalaluddin Rumi
By Dana Faulds
A beautiful poem on acceptance by Dana Faulds that first I stumbled upon through my friend and grief therapist Amy Swart during the first weeks of the Pandemic.
“There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt, containing a tornado.
Dam a stream and it will create a new channel.
Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry you to higher ground.”
— Dana Faulds
Big Sur, California: November 2022
Photo by Spencer Ian Harris
Medicine of Sound
Podcast: Brene Brown Interviews Grief Expert David Kessler on Finding Meaning
I particularly appreciated David Kessler’s recounting of the Parable of Long Spoons and how we survive grief through community and by feeding each other.
Song: Hindi Kita Malilimutan
The famous Filipino grief song — this version on youtube always brings tears to my eyes.
Playlist: Extraordinary Grief is Extraordinary Love:
A compilation of songs that remind me of my father.
Beautiful words by my friend & grief therapist Amy Hyun Swart.
In conclusion
I hope you may find a source of hope and healing in this imperfect and incomplete collective wisdom of grief — what I call Grief Pharmacy. I invite you to share your own resources and would love to drop into a compassionate conversation around your grief journey
What has supported you in
your journey of grief and healing?
Get in touch if you’d like support on your grief and healing journey through a 1:1 coaching or gentle yoga session
Melissa Andrada (Mel - she/they) is a trauma-sensitive DEI Consultant, Keynote Speaker, Workshop Facilitator, Yoga Teacher and Leadership Coach, alchemising the grief for her beloved father Tito Pamplona Andrada and dear friend Spencer Ian Harris into healing for others. They are currently pursuing a Masters in Expressive Arts Therapy with a concentration on grief at the California Institute of Integral Studies.